I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
