Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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