hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
