is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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