I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
