I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
