Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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