Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
