so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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