That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
