I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
