okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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