Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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