You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
