I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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