What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
