I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
is it fun? or sober?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
