Whod you bang
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
