I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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