Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
