he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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