I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
