do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
