just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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