i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
