I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
