please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
