The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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