Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
