He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
