She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
