i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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