I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
