2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
