i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
