porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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