i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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