it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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