If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
