This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
