I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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