the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
