you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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