John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
