Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
