Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
