dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
