These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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