Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This is the high leading the old right now
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
