ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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