I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
