hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
